


Don't (Let) Go

by minie_ai



Series: Kuroken Week 2020 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Feelings Realization, HALF CANON, Light Angst, Lowkey Panic Attack, M/M, Realization, it's not as bad as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:20:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23736001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minie_ai/pseuds/minie_ai
Summary: Kenma didn't realise when Kuroo became such an important person in his life, maybe he had always been one, he wasn't sure. Kenma doesn't know how to deal with these thoughts and Kuroo moving on and graduating at the same time.-Day 7: Realisation for Kuroken Week 2020
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Kuroken Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700905
Comments: 9
Kudos: 88
Collections: Kuroken Week 2020





	Don't (Let) Go

**Author's Note:**

> There are some mild, scenes that could be similar to the symptoms of panic attacks, thus the tag. Please take caution whilst reading and let me know if I need to update the tags or something!!
> 
> Also, the first two parts are based off the scenes in the manga/anime.

  
  


Kenma didn’t realise when Kuroo became such an important person in his life. He just knew that now, he wasn’t going to let go, ever. 

Kenma can still quite vividly remember the first time they met. His mother had told him the day before that a family had moved in next door and that they apparently had a son around Kenma’s age. Kenma remembered looking at his mother and wondering why she had told him, it wasn’t like the family moving in next door had anything to do with him. 

But it became clear why, when the next day a stout looking man was standing in their hallway, conversing with his mother in a friendly tone. Kenma had hid himself behind his mother's legs, but the man seemed nice enough. When he spotted Kenma, he had leaned down to wave at him, before continuing the conversation with Kenma’s mother. Apparently, Kenma wasn’t the only one using his parent’s legs as a shield, because Kenma spotted another boy, probably slightly taller than him, hiding behind the man’s legs. _Ahh, what weird hair_.

Kenma caught onto the adults' conversation enough to know what was going on. This was the family that had moved in, and the boy with the strange hair was the one his mother had told him about. 

Over the next couple of days, he saw the boy, _Kuroo Tetsurou_ , or Kuro as Kenma has gotten to calling him, around his house more often than he preferred. When he brought it up with his mother over dinner one evening she explained to him that Kuro’s family consisted of only Kuro, his father and both of his grandparents, just the four of them. So she wanted Kenma to let Kuroo come over whenever he was left home alone, and that could play together. 

The next day when Kuroo came over again, Kenma could only think about how the adults had expected them to become friends just because they were similar in age. He didn’t like that thought. 

But this would probably only last until school started in 3 weeks, then Kuro would be able to make new friends and finally leave Kenma alone. With that thought in mind, Kenma figured that he should at least be a little bit more welcoming to Kuroo, the boy had moved across the country and knew no one, it must be scary. So he invited him to his room to play video games with him.

The first few times Kenma suggested that they play games, he was beyond delighted. He finally had someone else to play Virtual Fighter with, so he no longer needed to fight against bots. Kuroo was pretty good too, for someone who claimed that they’ve never played video games before, and he also didn’t say much, so they both played in relative comfortable silence. But after the fourth day straight of just playing Virtual Fighter, something became very apparent to Kenma. Kuroo wasn’t going to speak up or make any suggestions himself. 

Kenma gulped. Was he really going to have to be the one who initiated every conversation? He _did_ promise his mother that he was going to be nice though, so Kenma hesitantly looked over at the boy sitting on his bedroom floor. 

“Uhh..” 

Kuroo looked over at him, waiting for him to finish, or rather start, his sentence.

“We always play this, so...was there anything else you wanted to play?” Kenma looked at the other expectantly, waiting for a response. 

He was surprised when Kuro dropped the controller and left his room, coming back with, _was that a volleyball?_

Kenma didn’t know what to think, he was expecting Kuroo to maybe pick out another video game, or maybe even ask him to watch a movie instead, not this, whatever this was. 

But as he looked at Kuroo, a small hopeful smile on the others face, Kenma couldn’t help but go along with him. They _had_ been doing what he wanted for the last couple of days, so it was only fair. Plus, he only had to play with Kuroo for a few more weeks before school started, so he thought he could endure that much. 

So instead of video games, they spend more time outside playing volleyball now. He came back with a new bruise or scrap everyday, and his arms were constantly sore, but the way Kuroo smiled and laughed at him made it seem like it was worth it. Ever since they began playing outside, Kuro had become more talkative too, teaching Kenma the correct way to hold out his arms or what to do when those weird little red spots appeared on his arms (Kuroo had told him it was nothing but a little internal bleeding, and Kenma looked at him with awe. How could he make something so scary sound so simple?) So Kenma continued playing volleyball with Kuroo.

When Kuroo earnestly complimented his fast learning skills and called him smart after Kenma had questioned why he wanted to play with him, he wasn’t going to admit how it felt like the first compliment he had ever received. It was different from the teachers who had said the same things about him to his parents during parent teacher interviews. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the way Kuroo had yelled it out or if it was the way that Kuroo’s eyes seemed to burn brighter, but Kenma was happy nonetheless. 

As he looked at Kuroo fondly recalling his old volleyball club memories to Kenma, he thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , he might feel a bit sad once school started and Kuroo would eventually leave him. 

  
  


-

  
Without realising it, time flew by and Kenma was already half way through his first year of high school. He had followed Kuroo to Nekoma High, much to Kuroo’s delight, and he even managed to convince Kenma to join the volleyball team. How Kenma managed to pass the try-outs was still a mystery to him, but he figured Kuroo must have put in a good word to the coach on his behalf, or the years playing volleyball with Kuroo in the little neighbourhood club paid off. 

“I’m going to quit the volleyball team” Kenma had mumbled as he sat by the riverside with Kuroo. It had been a particularly hard practice day that day, and Kenma had been considering that decision for a while. On one hand though, he didn’t want to let Kuroo down and quit, but then on the other hand, volleyball was no longer fun for him. The third years in school had killed the little fun and motivation Kenma felt for the sport. 

He could feel Kuroo look over at him with an unreadable expression on his face, and Kenma felt a little bad. It wasn’t Kuroo’s fault that he was feeling like this, but he was honestly just tired. He tugged his knees up, closer to his body and rested his head on top of them.

Kuroo didn’t respond for a while, both of them watching waves beat against the river bed as they enjoyed the last rays of the sun for the day. 

“The third years will retire soon. The first years and us second years know how incredible you are”. Kenma could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him, before he looked back at the river. 

“The team is definitely stronger because of you Kenma”. Kuroo hadn’t looked at Kenma when he said that, but he didn’t need to. Kenma had heard him, heard the sincerity that was laced in his voice and in his gaze. 

They fell into silence the remainder of their time at the river, as well as the entire way back home. Kenma had been repeating Kuroo’s words over in his mind, and Kuroo had respected his need to think things over. 

Kenma went to bed that night without dinner, mumbling something to his mother about having no appetite. His mind was full from all his thoughts.

He lay in the dark tossing and turning, Kuroo’s words repeating themselves in his brain. Could he really endure the rest of the year without fully killing his interest in the sport? He thought over the matches that they had played, and the way Kuroo had smiled so brightly and pulled him into a bone crushing hug the first time that they had won a game with Kenma as the setter. The other first years had also all congratulated him with wide grins and pats on his back. He remembered their walk back home after that game, the way Kuroo couldn’t stop talking about all the ‘ _incredible_ ’ plays Kenma had done. He was smiling so brightly, not his usual teasing smirk, but one of the really bright ones that Kenma only ever saw so often. 

Kenma closed his eyes,his blanket pulled over his head. He remained in there until it became difficult to breath. Throwing the blanket off with loud pants of air, and his forehead beading with sweat, Kenma decided that he would endure it. 

If not for himself, then for Kuroo. For Kuroo to continue smiling as brightly as before.

  
  


-

  
  


Kenma grimaced at the people around him. It wasn’t like he wasn’t expecting it to be crowded during graduation day, but Kenma swore that there weren't this many people last year. Maybe it was because this year Nekoma had managed to get the volleyball club, the archery club and the baseball club to nationals, but there seemed to be more family and friends around for graduation. 

Kenma was one of the few to still be seated after the ceremony, but he wanted to wait for the crowds to clear out a bit first before leaving the safety of his seat. He hasn’t been feeling his best in thee last week, so he didn’t want to risk anything by diving right into the crowds of onwatchers congratulating the graduating class. 

He looked at the bouquet flowers that he had placed on the chair beside him. His parents had asked him the day before to go pick out a bouquet at the florist for Kuroo’s graduation on their family’s behalf. He looked at the neat arrangement between the pink camellia’s and primroses, to the dainty sakurasou. The whole thing looked a bit strange to him, too many shades of pink combined into one, but the bouquet oddly represented him. 

He grabbed the bouquet and brought it close to his face. He felt the petals tickling his cheeks and could breath in the scent of the flowers. They gave off a sweet smell, not the sickening sweet one that made him scrunch up his nose at the florist this morning, but a nice, clean type of sweet. 

When he looked up, the crowd had started thinning off enough for him to spot Kuroo. He was surrounded by his family and a couple of classmates, smiling brightly as he leaned down to give his grandmother a tight hug. She had her arms wrapped around his shoulders, dragging him down a bit more so she could plant a kiss on his cheeks. Kenma imagined that he would have probably been there too, if his parents had managed to take the day off today, but Kenma understood that the world didn’t always work out the way you wanted it to. To make up for it, they had already booked a large table for both families at his Kuroo’s favourite seafood restaurant. 

Kuroo seemed to beam even more as he bent forward to let his grandfather pat him on the cheek lovingly. And he seemed to sparkle as he stood with pride, holding onto his student honour’s roll and listening intently to what his father was saying. 

  
Kenma looked back down at his scuffed out school shoes. A thought crossed his mind to ask Kuroo to come with him to buy new shoes, but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. There was no need for Kuroo to come shoe shopping with him anymore, not when Kuroo was graduating high school with honours and moving into the dorms of some nice university with a full scholarship. Not when Kuroo was getting ready to take on the world with flying colours, whilst Kenma was still just...Kenma. 

A voice in his head reminded Kenma that Kuroo wouldn’t think like that. That Kuroo considered the younger as his best friend, but at times he couldn’t help but let himself drown in the rising feeling of...of what? Kenma didn’t even know what he was feeling. 

He gripped the bouquet tighter, feeling the creases of the plastic wrapping paper dig into his palm. There was a burning sensation behind his eyes, but Kenma refused to cry. He refused to cry these tears that weren’t out of happiness. 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and willing the tears to go away.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw another, polished pair of shoes in front of his. He shot his head up, eyes staring directly into Kuroo’s hazel ones. His hair was slightly more put together than usual, though his tie was loosened at the top, Kuroo probably having done that right after he walked across the stage. Kenma quickly looked back down to the bouquet in his hands, tightening his hold on them ever so slightly. He didn’t notice the way Kuroo’s smile faltered.

“Kenma what’s wrong?” Kenma hated it. He hated the way Kuroo’s voice sounded so concerned, how he _was_ so concerned for _Kenma_ on his own special day. 

Kenma closed his eyes for a second, taking another deep breath before mustering on a big smile. He knew he looked awkward, if he couldn’t even fool himself, how could he ever fool Kuroo.  
  


“C-congratulations on graduating Kuroo”. Kenma tried to widen his smile, but he was sure his face looked closer to a grimace at this point. He half shoved, half handed Kuroo the bouquet of flowers whilst standing up.  
  


“I’m going to go get a drink from the vending machine. I’ll get you one too”. He brushed past Kuroo, without turning around, even though he felt the heavy stare of the other.

  
  
  


Kenma inserted a couple of coins and punched in a random number into the vending machine. Here, where there was no one but Kenma and the vending machine, he let the tears fall. They kept streaming down and down, no matter how much he told himself to stop or how many times he wiped them with his sleeves. 

Kenma wasn’t sure how long he stayed crouched by the vending machine, wiping at his eyes, but when he heard the sounds of approaching footsteps, he shuffled over a bit to lift the flap of the vending machine. He would rather pretend to take out his drink (he should probably take it out properly while he was at it), than let a random stranger ask him if he was alright.

When Kenma could no longer hear anything, he stood up slowly, drink clutched between both hands. The drink slipped out of his hands with a loud noise, when he turned around to see Kuroo standing there with his hands on his hips, eyes narrowed at Kenma. 

Kuroo took several steps forward, until he was standing right in front of Kenma. He avoided looking at the older, hearing himself mumble out an excuse of not knowing which drink to get. But it sounded pathetic to even his own ears. Even Coach Nekomata knew that Kenma only drank hot chocolate from vending machines. 

“So do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Kuroo looked down at him with his arms now crossed against his chest. 

Kenma couldn’t look him in the eyes. “No, today is supposed to be about you, not me”. He picked at a loose thread of his school shirt, rolling it around in his fingers. He could hear Kuroo take a deep breath in front of him, before relaxing his arms at his side again.

“Well since you said that, then why don’t you answer _my_ question for _me_ ”. Kuroo made sure to empathise the words, giving Kenma no chance for any other weak excuses. 

Kenma clenched his shirt between his fists, the stinging behind his eyes slowly returning. 

When Kenma still made no move to respond, Kuroo crouched down in front of him, like a teacher would to a crying child, and slowly took Kenma’s clenched fists into his own hands. He unfurled both of them with delicate touches before he held onto them reassuringly. Kenma felt the warmth of his hands spread across his entire body, and when he looked into Kuroo’s eyes, he felt something snap 

Salty tears burst down like a dam, Kenma’s chin wobbling with his sad attempts to contain the ugly noises that were wrecking their way out of his throat. His nose was starting to become runny and he could feel strands of his hair sticking onto his face, yet Kenma couldn’t stop the new wave of fresh tears that continued rolling down his face. It felt like a part of him was being scratched raw, but the more intensely he cried, the lighter he felt. 

Through his half blocked nose, he could faintly make out the scent of cologne and something that was distinctively _Kuroo_. It then registered to him that Kuroo had brought him down as well, so that he was half crouching, half sitting on Kuroo. He could feel a warm hand on his back, and another stroking through strands of his hair. He was sure Kuroo had been mumbling words of comfort to him the entire time, and just the thought alone brought out another wave of tears from Kenma. 

Kenma was sure he had messed up basically all of Kuroo’s previously neatly, ironed uniform by the time his tears had slowed down to deep breaths and the occasional hiccup, but Kuroo’s hold on him never faltered. When his breathing evened out a bit more, Kuroo sat down properly on the floor, his feet stretching out in front of him, maneuvering Kenma around in his arms a bit until Kenma was perched on his lap.

“Want to tell me what’s been going through that head of yours now?” Kuroo’s voice was soft, and barely above a whisper. Kenma wasn’t sure if he actually _wanted_ to tell Kuroo, he wasn’t even sure if he knew himself what’s been going on, let alone could he put it into words. But Kuroo deserved some sort of explanation, at least for letting Kenma ruin his uniform. 

Kenma gathered a shuddered breath. He might as well try to figure it out himself while he was at it. 

Kuroo gave him an encouraging look, the one he usually did when Kenma was taking his time figuring out his words. 

“I-I guess I’ve just been thinking...”. Kenma looked at Kuroo’s shirt that had been crumpled under his ministration, and twisted the fabric slightly. “Thinking about you graduating and what that means. What it means for us. And also about you - you leaving...me...I guess”. He clenched the fabric between his hands again, not looking Kuroo in the eyes.

_Ah, so he was feeling scared._

He felt it before he heard it. Kuroo’s chest started vibrating underneath his hands, and then the sounds of his laughter could be heard. It wasn’t his usual loud obnoxious laughter, but Kenma could still feel the tears of embarrassment prick his eyes.

How. Dare. Kuroo. Laugh. At. Him. Like. This. He followed each word of thought with a punch to Kuroo’s chest before Kuroo caught his fists and held them tightly in his hands. 

“Sorry Kenma”. His shoulders were still shaking, but Kenma could tell that Kuroo was trying his best to stop the laughter. He gave the older a sharp glare.

After another full minute or so, Kuroo let out a loud _ahhh_ and looked Kenma in the eye, eyes bright and curving up. 

“You were upset because I was graduating and you thought I was going to leave you once I started uni?” Kuroo chuckled to himself again at the thought. “I thought you were smarter than to think that a little bit of distance would separate us. I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re stuck with me for life now. Even the gods rearranging the stars won’t stop me from being with you”.

Kenma felt his cheeks flush, and broke off eye contact. How could Kuroo say something so shameless with such a straight face. 

Kenma looked down where Kuroo was still holding onto his hand, resting on their lap. They looked nice against one another. 

He felt the tender press of something soft against his forehead, and when Kenma looked back up, Kuroo was giving him a wide grin, eyes gentle. 

Kenma was sure his flushed face mirrored Kuroo’s. 

“C’mon we should go back. You said today was about me right? The star of the show can’t be missing for too long”. Kuroo gave him a cheeky wink, and Kenma couldn’t resist the eyeroll, but he felt himself smile regardless. 

They both dusted off their pants when they stood up, and Kenma went to pick up the abandoned drink on the floor. 

Kuroo waited for him with an outstretched arm and when Kenma ducked underneath it, Kuroo rested his arm on Kenma’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into the side of Kenma’s head. 

They walked back, Kuroo sipping at the not-so-cold-anymore ice coffee that Kenma had gotten from the vending machine, whilst looking at the sky. 

“So...yearning, a long-lasting love and you can’t live without me huh?” Kuroo glanced down at Kenma, who had a shell shocked expression on his face, mouth hanging wide open. Kuroo barked out a laugh before Kenma used both of his hands to shove Kuroo away, speeding up his steps.

“You couldn’t have just confessed to me like a normal person? Why did you have to make me search up the meaning of flowers on the internet?” Kuroo yelled out as he jogged to catch up with Kenma, swinging his arm around the other’s shoulders again. 

“Shut up Kuro”. But even as he said so, Kenma had no real bite in his words, letting Kuroo lean against him. 

“Oh also, were you crying before I arrived?” They walked in unison, steps matching the other.

“No”.

“Then why were your sleeves wet?”

“That was my saliva”.

“Oh man, forget about joining us for my graduation dinner then. You should go visit the emergency room”.

Kenma jabbed his elbow into Kuroo’s side, earning a burst of laughter from the taller. “Shut up Kuro”.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope by ending it on a lighter note, that it would make up for the heaviness throughout the middle. 
> 
> But wow, can you believe that it's already the last day of Kuroken week? I can't believe I managed to get a fic out for each day. It's the first time i participated in something like this and I honestly didn't think i had it in me, but here we are ahahah. And wow, who am i to write angst for the last day right? Ahaha, actually my original idea was going to use this video (https://twitter.com/taehyungsjimjam/status/1248220966078918657?s=20 idk how to link it, so pls copy this) as my prompt, but then I wasn't feeling it, so i did a complete 180. I still think that idea would be such a cute kuroken fic with oblivious kuroo lolol.
> 
> I'll probably be taking a small break to catch up on assignments after this (watch me still end up writing more fanfic anyways oml), but i'll definitely be back. I really want to try writing a bokuaka fic! So pls subscribe or keep an eye out :DD
> 
> Anyways, thank you so so much for reading and everyone who has engaged with my stories in some way or another!!
> 
> If you have any constructive criticism, or have any advice for me to improve my writing or even just want to talk during this quarantine (and any) time, then come talk to me on twt: @minie_ai (or @floofyjiminie) and tumblr (@minie_ai).
> 
> I love you all so much, until next time! <333


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